If you want to stay on my good side do not under any circumstance do the following things in normal conversation.
1. Use the word “chillax” in any context, ever.
2. Say “I suck at life” after you tell a story, like it is something funny I’m supposed to laugh at. It’s not. Because if you don’t you sound stupid and if you do, I already know. (I know FML taught you that being self deprecating is funny …. it’s not)
3. Peppering your sentences with “like” to an excess. It’s okay to use it once in a while when you are searching for the right thing to say. It’s not an okay substitute for thought.
4. Constant exaggeration … for example: overuse of always, never, obviously etc. This often makes you sound like you have to rely on overstatement to make a point (as opposed to an actual valid argument).
5. Using the word ironic incorrectly. (If you can’t wield the sword don’t even pick it up).
6. Preface a story by saying something about how funny the story is. If it’s funny I will notice on my own, thanks.
7. Constantly bad-mouthing people. It’s immature and shows a real lack of creative thought on your part. Shit talking does nothing to make you look better, and it makes it sound like you can’t find anything better to talk about.
8. Along the lines of number seven, don’t speak poorly of groups you don’t know alot about. Putting down people who are different from you makes you look ignorant. Even if you think that a group is wrong or intolerant, disagreement should only be vocalized if you are very well informed, and even then with a spirit of respect.
9. Avoid Ad Hominem arguments whenever possible, nobody likes low blows.
10. Think before you speak. It will do wonders.
